Good bye 2008

What a pretty face. I love you Joey Camz

With less than 8 hours left in 2008 I am starting to feel better. It was one hell of a year. A lot happened, people came, people went, emotions flied, hearts ached, decisions were made and lives were changed. Not many of my friends or people in my life had a good year. Seems like everyone had some shit going on that just wasnt good.

I met some challenges and went through some crap just like anyone else. None of it was easy and none of it was fun. There are things I wish I had done different. But its too late for that. Anyway

To my fam, my BFF's and all of the other people I have encountered that matter for something in this world. May you have a wonderful time and shine right into 2009.

These are just a few moments that make 2008 better than it was. Mostly from Kevins last weeks as an unmarried man (who by the way had the most epic wedding ever in September). What better way to end that than by taking a shit in the woods. I love you fam. But these are the people that got me through 2008, not all of the people but a few of them that helped along the way

I feel like I did a whole lot of nothing but did a lot of something. Have a safe transition into 09. I will be fading out 2008 with some amazing people tonight so that we may shine right into and through 2009

.....

"10 years passed and I ended up with a house full of cats"

Right now I should be sleeping preparing myself to wake up to go fishing tomorrow, to hanging out with my family, to be excited. Instead I am miserable, not in the keys with my family instead stuck in NY. I have spent the last few days arguing with my dad, getting guilt trips from him and my brother because I am not where they are. I tried. I had it planned and the plans didnt stay due to circumstances and situations. I have attempted to find plane tickets and make a plan but nothing seems to be working. Instead its 230am and I am listening to music that dosent help the mood and writing on this wretched thing. Infact I did find a good priced flight but, the old man was more occupied with guilt trips than helping me out like he offered. Instead of great here lets get it I got "I am out catching up with some friends and watching football like we should be, I will call you later" Thanks, that line has been going over and over in my head driving me nuts.

I guess this is just life. Its passing by slowly and surely. Thank god for friends. Friends are the one thing that keeps my head up. I am having a moment right now.

BFF

Best quote for today "You can not predict your past by the future"


I have been going back to this picture a lot today. Its a good one. One from a time when we had some many less worries. When life was just that much simpler. Just to think this is only a few short years ago, if I am thinking straight right now I want to say maybe 4 years ago give or take. The best part is these people are still in my life. Love you fam

Either I am not drinking enough or I am drinking too much I havent quite figured that one out yet

"we pass the time in the stormy weather thinking of sunshine, not clouds and the rain" - The Snake the Cross the Crown

My head hurts

I am thinking too much

Snowed in

So after a few days of being snowed in and slowly losing my mind while arguing with this guy, putting him on time outs and finding poo in the bath tub. I made it as far as the court yard outside my front door to take some snaps of the first good snow fall. This cat belongs to my roommate and sometimes it feels like you are chasing a child who just learned to walk. Anyone want a 6 year old Russian Blue? Dont let the face fool you, he likes to attack when you least expect it.

Sorry Matt I went there. You know I wouldnt give this little bastard away. But he would look good as a rug.

In the last 3 days we have managed to get about 13 or so inches of snow if not more. Thats just my uneducated guess. This is the courtyard just outside my front door.

This mighty mighty Hudson River out my window. PCB's anyone? Who wants a third arm from that river?

Again my not so artsy photo form of the courtyard. I am just too lazy to go outside.
Enjoy my boringness

Dream Date Forever

Alicia Keys is one hot momma. Yea hot momma. She could sit on a beach in a not so sexy bikini all day every day holding a fork and it still wouldnt matter. She will always be gorgeous. If she just gave me the chance to serenade her with her own song she would understand. Baby I could sing "No One" to you like no other. Maybe someday you will realize I am the man of your dreams! Some day, I know it. Just some day.



Creepiest post of the year.

In the Midst of a Snow Storm

I have had all day to go stir crazy, clean my house,talk to the deer head on the wall, argue with my roommates cat and even put him in time out for a while. But in the mix of all of this joy and pacing around my house with out cable I managed to watch the Big Lebowksi and a Hank Williams biography and marinate some steaks. So on that note I think I may have won today.

I have some of this deliciousness

And some of this deliciousness

Yep I won big time

SNL on David Patterson

While most websites have removed this skit because they found it offensive, as well as you tube I found one they missed. This does and can push the line of inappropriate, but holy shit is this funny. Quite frankly, with all the shit he is proposing to do with tax hikes, education cuts and health care cuts in New York state I find this to be ok to do. Anyway enjoy

Some songs sum up life

This song sums it all up for me. Tragic, sad and unpredictable. Other times my job dosent help much either especially around the holidays. If it wasn't for my friends I wouldn't be where I am today. I have had too much time to think and just worked 27 of the last 30 days. Thank you and good night.

Tap the Rockies

For those of you who havent realized it, I will tell you. This is delicious and most people over look it because of its step sister Coors Light.

This is a fine tasting beverage.

A better time and place....

When life was so worry free. If I could go back in time and relive the moment......

This past week and the gathering of the Turkey fam faders

Beautiful Pa Pa Jer freeze frame for life

This past week was amazing. I cant wait to get my hands on more pictures of the times that had been had. Saw lots of awesome faces and heard lots of amazing voices of people that I just dont get enough of any more. Thank you fam faders for always being fam faders and always being the same. And J.C. I am not being creepy? Can we stretch? My friends keep me sane. Pictures will never do justice to the amazing moments that were had. So much in so little time.

Happy Thanksgiving

This is my porn, love you fams. I ate 5 times today. I am going to pull the trigger to this picture now

A little git er done

We have this thing called a little git er done. A Sunday tradition that has been on going for about 2 years. Tonight we had the pleasure of having some of the babe fam fade with us. If ya'll dont know, now ya know.

Its just nothing more than quality time with the fam, aint not time like quality time.

Sarah Palin wow

Interview on a turkey farm. This is just priceless. She was self destructive to herself and her party from day one. I think she may have just upset every vegetarian, vegan and PETA member with this interview kids. What a better place to do an interview to woo support than this place. How about the guy in the back round who stays hard at work making sure we get our turkeys on time. It's hard to tell if he is confused or enjoying the shit out of what he is doing right now. Sarah Palin, thank you for the endless laughs, head in hands asking why motions and sighs. You have done us many great wonders and helped Alaska a lot.

Turkey anyone?

This Guy

Has a 12 gauge and its sawed off to the limit. I really dont need to say any more.

Mr. Seger Thank you for all the good music.


I would like a slug just for good luck.

Surviving 1 day at a time. One Seger tune at a time

Baby Praks

So I was told about this little gem on youtube called baby prank. Not sure how I am supposed to feel about it. Dummies picking on a baby.



I hope this kid whoops their ass some day

In just a short week or so, Matthew and I will be home together at night discussing life and fam fade over wine in candle lit rooms. I am psyched. 

My current apartment is empty and has the echo sound. Life rules. 

Lets drink and eat burgers fam

Lebron James is super man

Apparently this past evening Mr. James slam dunked a ball leaping from the free throw line to the hoop. But last I checked only one man on earth could jump like that and it was Clark Kent a.k.a. Super Man.

I think tomorrow after I stretch and play hop scotch I might call up Mr. Lebron James and Challenge him to a jump off

Can you say eat your wheaties boys and gurls

Alicia Keys and the Easter Bunny hang out. Why cant she and I. I am going to rota tiller his bunny home one day. I will show that bastard

Veterans day

Fuck you veterans day. What do I get for being a vet? Nothing, I get the satisfaction of knowing I was employed by Bush's corrupt war machine.. I get drunk thats what I get you cock sucker uncle sam. Thats all that I get. 9/11 can suck my cock. The genocide in other counties what about those? What about the daily car bombings around the world? What about the innocent people in third world countries that are raped and murdered every day by the thousands that we dont hear about because we are too busy talking about Britney Spears bastard children and Branjolenias or whatever you call her adopted kids. What about the sweat shops in Asia? What about the Hatians trying to leave the the thousands every day that we send right back? What about the Cubans we ship back that get killed for being considered traitors for trying to leave that country? Wait thats right Michale Moore says its great because they have "awesome health care". Fuck you, you fat fuck eat another big mac ass hole.

Hey anyone hear about Madonnas fake British accent or her divorce? Yep we all did. But we didnt hear about the village in Zimbabwe where, every woman was raped and murdered.

Fuck it and fuck you. I am drunk and pissed.

love is bullshit, i am drunk and packing. i get to live with matthew blodgett and his bitchy ass princess cat waylon. yea i called him a princess fuck you matt do something about it. i will eat him alive

It is Thursday May 22, On Saturday May 24th I will be back home with the love of my life and I am so excited.

I have one more night to spend on this wretched ship and I am off. We pull into San Diego tomorrow morning. I pack my shit and get the hell off of here. My flight leaves 630am Saturday and by 430pm I will be exactly where I always want to be in my loves arms. She will be in mine. We will be back together again and never have to go through something like this again.

I cant wait.

"I said maybe your gonna be the one that saves me. And after all your my wonderwall"

Such a really good song and Ryan Adams cover of it is amazing. I was listening to it earlier and I began to think about a day Suzanna and I were in my car and I played it for her. I lipped it to myself and imagined my belching out the words too her but I was too shy to do it. We held hands and just admired each other throughout the song. It was a nice feeling. I was just thinking about that and wanted to get it off my chest. I cant wait until saturday. As of 430pm tomorrow we will have 96hours until I get home. I cant fucking wait.

Days like today kill me. I know Suzanna is having a rough day today and I just want to be there to hug her, to kiss her and tell her everything is going to be alright. I want to do that so bad. I cant wait until I get home, I cant wait until I am with her again.

I like the way John Lengend writes. He has passion.

"ive wanted to write a song for a while now and now i have someone to sing about" i think thats how it goes. but that just works and it makes sense he knows what hes talking about.

Suzanna turned me onto him and its pretty damn good.

Speaking of I get home in 6 freaking days!!!!!!!!! I cant wait, i miss the smell of our home, our bed, our everything. I miss her smell, her touch, her kiss her everything. I am so in love with who and what I have in my life. Suzanna puts my head in the clouds. Its the most amazing feeling in the entire world

8 MORE NIGHTS!!!!!!! NO MORE WAKING UP ALONE NO MORE GOING TO SLEEP ALONE NEVER AGAIN!!!!

So here we are. I am in Mazatlan Mexico. This has been quite the expeirence. Yesterday I was searhced my Mexican police at gun point based on the way I look whic was pretty scary, having an assault rifle pointed at your back and pistols pointed at you and not really knowing much spanish while your being pushed against a wall in another country by police can really almost make you crap yourself. But that is enough of that talk.

Last night Suzanna and I spent a long time on the phone just talking, talking about anything. Things we wanted to do, things we have done, people. It was really really nice to just be able to talk and talk and talk to her. It felt so good. I love her so much. After my whole Policia thing here I decided to stay on the ship all day because I didnt want to have an encounter like that again and I knew she would worry. It just wasnt worth the risk.

Anyway in a week and a half I get home. That is the most exciting moment that I am looking forward too. I havent been so excited about something like going home in, well I cant even remember how long. I am excited to be back in the arms and at the side of one person and one person only. She makes me feel so good. Just the sound of her voice creates this euphoric feeling. It is amazing how just the thought of being with someone can take your breath away, that they make you feel that good and you know you love them and they love you back is the best feeling and it really does strip me of my breath when I think about it.

Suzanna turned me onto John Legend, what a great song writer. So full of soul and energy. It is great music to listen to when you want to relax, think, fall asleep or just listen to music. I am hooked, she has me hooked. I am so hoooked on her.

We leave Mexico tomorrow and I cant wait. Because once we leave the next stop is home for me and that is the only stop that matters to me. I dream all day every day of the moment when Suzanna and I first lock eyes in the airport. When we approach each other, that kiss. The thought of that kiss sends chills down my spine. I imagine the drive home, being back in our home together, waking up together, spending the rest of time togehter. She is my everything. I have never had the feelings like I do for her. I look so forward to the rest of our lives. It has never been so easy to picture my future with someone like the way it is with her. She is my future.

So today is another day down. One less to go. Every day I close in on the day I get to be home, the day I get to be back with Suzanna.

I got to talk to her today. She went out to see Max a patient she had at Sunny View who really touched her, his family and him have something very special. A very special bond of love. From everything she told me he is doing wonderful which is great to hear. She said he is going home soon. So we talked about heading out to his home out near Syracuse when he gets out to spend a weekend with his family and him. It was great to talk to Suzanna and hear what a wonderful mood she was in from the visit. So I really look forward to getting to know Max and his family with her because it means so much to her and I want to be a part of everything that is important to Suzanna.

We are currently in Mexico for a few days. We leave Thursday afternoon and its the home strecth from when we leave it is just 8 days until I get home. That has me so excited. I cant wait to be home but more than anything I cant wait to be back with Suzanna. I have never loved and missed anyone the way I do here. It is so hard to describe how I feel about her, no words can say enough. I just count my blessings that I have her in my life.

So I gave myself the option of not having a day off while here just so I can pass the time. I stayed on board today and worked. They tell me to take a day off so tomorrow I am going to get up early, go for a stroll and then come back and work, then on Wednesday I am back on board all day and night on duty and we leave Thursday. So by my calculation that is a lot of working and should pass the time. Then it is back out to sea one last time. One last time for the rest of my life as I never want to go through this again. It is almost over.

Everyday I look to the sky and am thankful that Suzanna is in my life. Everyday I am so happy that I have her. I love her so much and I just cant wait to get home. This has been a true test a very hard test, but through it all I know how much I love her.

May 11 2008

So here I am. The weekend is almost over. This means that we have one more weekend to go through. I looked at the calender today and thought to myself, "wow thats it huh by Wednesday we will be at less than double digits in the number of days until I get back to Suzanna."

I got to talk to her briefly today. The sound of her voice was so good to hear. It brought this sense of euphoria over me. I relaxed, I was so tense until I called her. The sound of her voice is something amazing, something soothing. I didnt talk to her for long because she was with her mother helping her out with some things and spending mothers day with her. So I will give her a call later on. We went just about 2 weeks with out talking. By far the hardest 2 weeks. I knew it was going to be hard but we survived. I never want to go through not being able to talk to her like that again.

Tomorrow we pull into Mazatlan Mexico for a few days. We get in sometime in the early afternoon but I am working until god knows when. I gotta catch up on work when we have the fast internet connection. I am off Tuesday, I tried to stand duty for someone but they shot me down saying I need at least one day off so instead I will hang around the ship and continue to catch up on work. I have duty all day and night Wednesday and we leave Thursday and we are on the home stretch. Back out to sea for 7 or 8 days. We pull into San Diego and I finally get to go home. Back to my lover, my heart, my soul, our home, our life. I fly out on the 24th at 6am and am home at 430pm. Suzanna is picking me up from the airport in Providence RI and I cant wait, that moment when we lock eyes, reach for each other, touch each other and then feel each others kiss again. It gives me goose bumps just thinking about it. My goodness I cant wait.

Every day and every night I pray to god to get me home. While i bide my time and wait it out I know it will be soon. I have worked so hard to stay positive through all of this, to show how much I love Suzanna and now I am almost home.

I keep having day dreams of our future, dreams at night of our family. Today I had a day dream while listening to some music. It was all there, it was perfect. The sights; palm trees, white sand beaches, ocean waves, the orange and pinks reflecting off the ocean as the sun was setting, the birds singing, wind whistling, Suzannas eyes locked on mine. It was perfect. I could feel the love, it gave me goose bumps.

My god I cant wait I love and miss her so much.

my god i love her and miss her. please make these last few days go by as fast as you can. i feel like i am sitting in purgatory. my mind is so scattered feeling today. at dinner i dipped my chicken into pudding intstead of the bbq sauce i have. just to give you an idea of where it is at.

but please god just bring me home in one peice safe and sound to my love Suzanna.

Lately I have been insipiried, felt insipired to start writing agian. A lot. every day I write in Suzanna and I's journal. Every day I try to write her a poem, I try to steer away from the typical email and write her a letter. I do it because it makes me feel good, it makes her feel good and it is a beautiful way to express things.

A long time ago, during highschool and a few years of college I wrote a lot of poetry and short stories. I am really getting back into it again. My mind feels free. She has libeartaed a part of me that I love. She has helped me feel again. The best thing in the world. I love her so much for all of that. I feel that I am sub par right now but with some work I will be back to where I was. I cant wait to leave her a poem or letter every day that I write out and stuff into something of hers to find when she goes into her purse, pocket, drawer, car any where.

When I get home in a few short weeks I want to continue to write things for her. I think at that time the both of us will hate email. So I want to hand write things and leave them around the house for her to find. There is no way to really express how much I love her, how much she means to me. But I do everything I can. Everyday when I think about getting home to her and being with her forever I get these butterflies in my stomach, my hands tingle and my mouth gets dry. It is pure love and the feeling cant be beat. I love her so much.

I talked for a while to a guy on board about her today. About the time we ran into each other, the time she texted me, the first time we kissed. Oh it was amazing. All of it. I knew the first time I talked to her I had to have her, I knew the first time I kissed her I had to have her forever.

She truly is my everything.

"ballarena you must of seen her, dancing in the sand. now shes in me, always with me. tiny dancer in my head"

I hear this song and I think of Suzanna. Deciding to ask her to be my wife is the greatest feeling in the world. I cant wait to do it. I get home in 2 weeks and shortly after that time I will be doing so. I cant disclose the information out of fear she may read it here, but she knows I want to do it.

I love you sweetie...

Isnt she beautiful

I miss her so much that it causes physical pain, but the love I have for her over takes that pain. This is all almost over. I just want to sleep for 2 weeks straight just so that I can be home. Once it is over it is over and we will never have to endure being apart from one another ever again.

"The sparkles bubble over and her eyes are like champagne." - Josh Ritter. That line has been stuck in my head for quite some time now. Every time I hear it I think about looking into Suzannas eyes and how beautiful they are, how beautiful she is and how at peace I am in those moments.

I am 17 nights away from being home and back in our bed together with her. That is the moment I look so forward too. The day they we first lay eyes upon each other in the airport after 6 long weeks of being pulled apart. We are put back together just as fast as it happened. I can not wait. I long for that moment. It is the home stretch.

She is the only one I love. The only one for me. We have been talking more about a wedding and a family. Those 2 things I look so forward to with her. I get excited just talking about it. We have the rest of our lives ahead of us and I can not absoluty can not wait for the rest of our lives together.

It was just over 4 weeks ago I found out I was being recalled to active duty. A lot has happened since then. I obviously left for one thing. Which was the hardest thing I have had to do in a very long time for a few reasons.

1) Being I did not choose to or want to be doing this
2) I hate that I had to leave my girlfriend behind my love. That is the worst feeling in the world. Knowing that you have to go and there is nothing. Nothing at all that you can do about it.
3) My life is on hold. My relationship is at a standstill. It is so hard.

The only good that has come out of this is that I am getting to leave very early. I am going home in 19 days. I have been gone for just about 3 1/2 now and will be home in just about 2 1/2 which is a huge relief.

I have learned a lot about myself, about what I want in life and where I want to take my life. I realized that my girlfriend I want to ask to be my wife. I have never been 100% sure on anything in my life as I am to that. I learned to be patient, I learned about all of the mistakes I made. I am left to try to fix them and think about them every day. I hope that I can correct everything that I have done.

I handled things so poorly before I had to go. I just kind of shut off. I did not know what to do. I was so confused, so lost and so hurt. I remember being told by all of these people in the reserves for the Coast Guard that they never got recalled so when I left active duty I went into the reserves to earn a little extra cash figuring it coudlnt hurt. I made it a year and a half and then it happened. I got recalled. The biggest slap in the face, welcome to reality wake up call that I have ever had. It fucked a lot of things up in my life. I left my girl my one love, my job, my family, school and now I have to go home and pick up the pieces. While that is ok to do. I dont mind doing it and fighting for what I believe in, I just know if I had listened to my instinct when I went into the reserves this would have never happened.

I have never fought so hard for something that I believe in as I am now. I believe in my girlfriend and our future together, I believe in a normal civilian life and never having to worry about leaving like this again. I believe in the future Suzanna and I have talked about. I believe in all of this because I believe in love. While this is a hard situation for anyone. I know that it is almsot over and that when it is over. It is over.

So when I get home just a few weeks from today. I have a lot to do. In the first few days that I am home I have a list of priorites.
1) asking Suzanna to marry me
2) Fixing all of my mistakes
3)Going to Boston and leaving the Coast Guard
4) enjoying my summer home with my one true love
5) Taking some summer classes and getting back into the swing of things
6) spending as much time with Suzanna as I can
7) Riding my bike

While I could compile a list bigger than that. Those are top.

I just know that I can not wait to get home

It has been a few weeks since I left. It has been a few long weeks. Weeks I wish I didnt have to endure. Weeks I wish Suzanna did not have to endure. But she is being strong. As I am doing the same. For that I owe her the world.

I am doing all that I can from where I can with all of the resources I can. The best news that has come of all of this is that I can go home early. That was the most exciting news I have yet to get. It means I can get back to Suzanna, to life, to our life, to school and to normalcy.

It has been a true trial of faith in both of us. I know that she cares, that this matters to her. I know that she knows that I care and I love her with all of my heart. All that I can really do is show her that this matters. I can do my very best to show her from where I am that I can be trusted and that I am the faithful, loyal and honest person I told her I am. We have had our ups and downs which I understand can make things harder. I know they can. But I am putting in every last bit of effort from here and will do the same when I get home.

Before I left she had asked me to do one thing. One task, to show her that I am serious that I want to be committed to and that I am committed to her. I failed at that task. While it was all that I wanted to do I fucked it up. I want to fix all of that with her, for her, for me and for us. I am willing to go through anything and everything for her, to be with her and to show her how much all of this matters.

I miss her so much. I do everything I can to stay strong and keep it together. So that she knows that I want this. I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. For the first time in my life I think about marriage, children and future with someone and it does not scare me. It sounds perfect, it feels perfect to me it is perfect to me. All of this I want to do with her more than anything else in this whole world. I want her to be my world.

After lots of thinking. Lots of long days of thinking(all though there really wasnt much thinking to decide this). I have come to a few realizations. I do want to marry Suzanna while I never had a doubt about that I just know that it truly is what I want to do. I love her so much. There is nothing that I do not love about being with her. She makes me feel completle. I felt so empty inside until I met her. She is everything I have ever wanted in a partner, life long friend, lover and companion.

Now to finalize this and show her this all I have to do is ask her to marry me, to be mine forever, to love me the way I love her, to care for me as I will for her. Which I want to do and I am going to do the when I get home. I want to keep this a surprise I have the exact moment that I want to do it already planned. I have done some searching and found an abundance of shops in Mexico and looked and found the ring I want to get. I cant wait. This is the most exciting purchase I am going to make to date.

Having to leave someone you love so very much because the government tells you to is the worst feeling in the world.

I am leaving this establishment as soon as I can so I never have to leave her again.

You have officially been recalled to active duty

Not the email you want to read early in the morning, but I got to this past Monday.

Its not for an extremely long time. But it still sucks. An unwanted interruption of my life. I have to withdraw from school, take a leave of absence but most importantly leave my girlfriend behind for 130 days. Not my idea of an awesome summer at all.

I will be spending my summer out to sea someplace in the south pacific ocean doing some bullshit waste of time work that no one really wants to be doing.

But it could be worse I could have been called up for a year and sent places other than the ocean. Just up rooting my life sucks.

So I am sitting here with a bottle of wine I didnt even bother grabbing a glass to pour it into just drink it straight out of the bottle. But I have this wine and the Yankees game on thinking about how I would much rather spend my summer nights doing this and sitting here with my girlfriend who I have to leave to fend for her self in our home all alone. The best I can do is leave her with my love and money to make sure she has a roof over her head.

This is just going to turn into a drunken rambling of me talking about leaving my love and going away when I dont want to, so I will just stop right where I am......

Cheers

Illegal U Turns on Highways

Maybe you can see where this is going already.

This past Sunday, Easter Sunday. I was on my way to work. I had to work 3-11. At about 215 or so I was on I90 east bound moving right along taking note of the traffic and how little there was due to the holiday.

So here I am minding my own enjoying the new Willie Nelson album thinking about work.

I was doing a nice 75mph or so moving right along. Up ahead I see this car pull into the U Turn spot, ya know the ones that say NO U TURNS. I see the car stop and inch toward the shoulder on the fast lane a bit and I knew it, I knew they were going to pull right out in front of me. Before I knew it was screaming up behind a car in the fast lane going 30 maybe 40 tops so I attempted to pull into the middle lane to pass but as I did so, so did this person. So I then attempted to go back into the fast lane as they did the same. Panic started to set in. I tried to pull back into the center lane to avoid hitting them.

Well I avoided them for sure as my car did a 180 slid across the middle and fast lane right into the guard rail at 70 or 75mph. I hit the guard rail spun some more slid sideways for another 20 or 30ft and came to a resting stop blocking the whole fast lane. Thank goodness it was Easter Sunday or I would have been quite screwed if there had been more traffic.

I must admit the sounds, site and intensity of the impact were quite spectacular. Hearing my tires skid, car hit the guard rail with one of the loudest metal on metal thuds I had ever heard, the air bag deploying the smoke from the air bag, the site of fluids spraying everywhere from under my hood and the scenery just spinning with me.

So here I am stopped blocking the whole lane, I think I sat there for all of 3 second in the my car I moved my head left, right and down. Nothing hurt my fingers didnt tingle so I felt it was ok to move. I get out and see the car stopped about 200 feet down the highway on the other side. I called 911 hung up and waited.

I started to walk to get the other drivers attention. I then decided it was a bad idea to walk down there since most people passing by were preoccupied by my car which was clearly destroyed and blocking a whole lane of traffic. So I headed back to my car to wait for the police to arrive.

As the police arrive the car that made the illegal actions decided to make their way back onto the highway. I was never able to get close enough to get a plate number and they got away. I could care less that my car is totaled and that I have to get a new one. Inf act this was a new one I had it for 3 months. But the fact that there are people out there who will just drive off knowing they just potentially ruined someones life or disrupted it in some sort of way.

I have never really been so irate or let down by something like this. The fact that they never asked if I was ok but just drove off knowing they would be getting a ticket and help responsible for this accident. I should really just be counting my blessings that I walked away without a scratch on me.

Last night was Valentines day. Suzanna and I had to work. But we still made it great. I realized more and more last night as I have in the past. I want to marry her and have her in my life for the rest of my life. I want to have a family with her, a home with her, vacations with her, a retirement with her.

She is absolutely wonderful.

I love her so much

Texas

So Suzanna and I went to Texas to visit my father, stepmom and sister for New Years.

It was a good trip a very relaxing trip. It was nice to be sitting on a plane with her knowing we were going together. I remember looking at her with her headphones on, arms around mine and head on my shoulder. I just looked at her and kept thinking "my god she is beautiful I have never loved someone like I do her, this is it. I am done looking she is who I want"

We got there to see my dad looking like my dad. Head band, beer belly and beard. He is who he is and he loves who he is so that is ok. We stopped for gas and he had to get a 12 pack for the ride. Go figure that one out.

The trip was a nice trip. We relaxed, made love, enjoyed each other and my family (who absolutely loves Suzanna) My step mom told me I had better marry her. I told her I plan on it.

So we went to Austin for New Years which was a good time. We had a nice room that looked over I think it is 6th street, the main street in downtown Austin. We sat there together in a chair, her on my lap. We were sipping drinks and talking and all that I could talk about is how much I love her, how happy I am with her, how forever I am hers. It felt so real, so good. So pure. Looking into her eyes is the best feeling in the world.

We went to a bar I cant remember the name. But after we had a few drinks in our room we found a bar and sat there and rang in the New Year together just her and I surrounded by people we did not know that was how I wanted it to be. Just us. I would have been content with sitting on the couch in my house with her. All that mattered is that I was with her.

The rest of the trip was nice and relaxing. We ate at some palce called Coopers BBQ which is supposed to be famous and I can see why. It was freaking awesome. Real style smoked bbq food.

Anyway. This trip was it. This trip was the one where I realized that she truly is who I want the rest of my life with. I love her so much. I feel that there is nothing that can come between us. She is my everything.

I love her so much