It has been a few weeks since I left. It has been a few long weeks. Weeks I wish I didnt have to endure. Weeks I wish Suzanna did not have to endure. But she is being strong. As I am doing the same. For that I owe her the world.

I am doing all that I can from where I can with all of the resources I can. The best news that has come of all of this is that I can go home early. That was the most exciting news I have yet to get. It means I can get back to Suzanna, to life, to our life, to school and to normalcy.

It has been a true trial of faith in both of us. I know that she cares, that this matters to her. I know that she knows that I care and I love her with all of my heart. All that I can really do is show her that this matters. I can do my very best to show her from where I am that I can be trusted and that I am the faithful, loyal and honest person I told her I am. We have had our ups and downs which I understand can make things harder. I know they can. But I am putting in every last bit of effort from here and will do the same when I get home.

Before I left she had asked me to do one thing. One task, to show her that I am serious that I want to be committed to and that I am committed to her. I failed at that task. While it was all that I wanted to do I fucked it up. I want to fix all of that with her, for her, for me and for us. I am willing to go through anything and everything for her, to be with her and to show her how much all of this matters.

I miss her so much. I do everything I can to stay strong and keep it together. So that she knows that I want this. I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. For the first time in my life I think about marriage, children and future with someone and it does not scare me. It sounds perfect, it feels perfect to me it is perfect to me. All of this I want to do with her more than anything else in this whole world. I want her to be my world.

After lots of thinking. Lots of long days of thinking(all though there really wasnt much thinking to decide this). I have come to a few realizations. I do want to marry Suzanna while I never had a doubt about that I just know that it truly is what I want to do. I love her so much. There is nothing that I do not love about being with her. She makes me feel completle. I felt so empty inside until I met her. She is everything I have ever wanted in a partner, life long friend, lover and companion.

Now to finalize this and show her this all I have to do is ask her to marry me, to be mine forever, to love me the way I love her, to care for me as I will for her. Which I want to do and I am going to do the when I get home. I want to keep this a surprise I have the exact moment that I want to do it already planned. I have done some searching and found an abundance of shops in Mexico and looked and found the ring I want to get. I cant wait. This is the most exciting purchase I am going to make to date.

Having to leave someone you love so very much because the government tells you to is the worst feeling in the world.

I am leaving this establishment as soon as I can so I never have to leave her again.

You have officially been recalled to active duty

Not the email you want to read early in the morning, but I got to this past Monday.

Its not for an extremely long time. But it still sucks. An unwanted interruption of my life. I have to withdraw from school, take a leave of absence but most importantly leave my girlfriend behind for 130 days. Not my idea of an awesome summer at all.

I will be spending my summer out to sea someplace in the south pacific ocean doing some bullshit waste of time work that no one really wants to be doing.

But it could be worse I could have been called up for a year and sent places other than the ocean. Just up rooting my life sucks.

So I am sitting here with a bottle of wine I didnt even bother grabbing a glass to pour it into just drink it straight out of the bottle. But I have this wine and the Yankees game on thinking about how I would much rather spend my summer nights doing this and sitting here with my girlfriend who I have to leave to fend for her self in our home all alone. The best I can do is leave her with my love and money to make sure she has a roof over her head.

This is just going to turn into a drunken rambling of me talking about leaving my love and going away when I dont want to, so I will just stop right where I am......

Cheers