It was just over 4 weeks ago I found out I was being recalled to active duty. A lot has happened since then. I obviously left for one thing. Which was the hardest thing I have had to do in a very long time for a few reasons.

1) Being I did not choose to or want to be doing this
2) I hate that I had to leave my girlfriend behind my love. That is the worst feeling in the world. Knowing that you have to go and there is nothing. Nothing at all that you can do about it.
3) My life is on hold. My relationship is at a standstill. It is so hard.

The only good that has come out of this is that I am getting to leave very early. I am going home in 19 days. I have been gone for just about 3 1/2 now and will be home in just about 2 1/2 which is a huge relief.

I have learned a lot about myself, about what I want in life and where I want to take my life. I realized that my girlfriend I want to ask to be my wife. I have never been 100% sure on anything in my life as I am to that. I learned to be patient, I learned about all of the mistakes I made. I am left to try to fix them and think about them every day. I hope that I can correct everything that I have done.

I handled things so poorly before I had to go. I just kind of shut off. I did not know what to do. I was so confused, so lost and so hurt. I remember being told by all of these people in the reserves for the Coast Guard that they never got recalled so when I left active duty I went into the reserves to earn a little extra cash figuring it coudlnt hurt. I made it a year and a half and then it happened. I got recalled. The biggest slap in the face, welcome to reality wake up call that I have ever had. It fucked a lot of things up in my life. I left my girl my one love, my job, my family, school and now I have to go home and pick up the pieces. While that is ok to do. I dont mind doing it and fighting for what I believe in, I just know if I had listened to my instinct when I went into the reserves this would have never happened.

I have never fought so hard for something that I believe in as I am now. I believe in my girlfriend and our future together, I believe in a normal civilian life and never having to worry about leaving like this again. I believe in the future Suzanna and I have talked about. I believe in all of this because I believe in love. While this is a hard situation for anyone. I know that it is almsot over and that when it is over. It is over.

So when I get home just a few weeks from today. I have a lot to do. In the first few days that I am home I have a list of priorites.
1) asking Suzanna to marry me
2) Fixing all of my mistakes
3)Going to Boston and leaving the Coast Guard
4) enjoying my summer home with my one true love
5) Taking some summer classes and getting back into the swing of things
6) spending as much time with Suzanna as I can
7) Riding my bike

While I could compile a list bigger than that. Those are top.

I just know that I can not wait to get home