It has been a few weeks since I left. It has been a few long weeks. Weeks I wish I didnt have to endure. Weeks I wish Suzanna did not have to endure. But she is being strong. As I am doing the same. For that I owe her the world.

I am doing all that I can from where I can with all of the resources I can. The best news that has come of all of this is that I can go home early. That was the most exciting news I have yet to get. It means I can get back to Suzanna, to life, to our life, to school and to normalcy.

It has been a true trial of faith in both of us. I know that she cares, that this matters to her. I know that she knows that I care and I love her with all of my heart. All that I can really do is show her that this matters. I can do my very best to show her from where I am that I can be trusted and that I am the faithful, loyal and honest person I told her I am. We have had our ups and downs which I understand can make things harder. I know they can. But I am putting in every last bit of effort from here and will do the same when I get home.

Before I left she had asked me to do one thing. One task, to show her that I am serious that I want to be committed to and that I am committed to her. I failed at that task. While it was all that I wanted to do I fucked it up. I want to fix all of that with her, for her, for me and for us. I am willing to go through anything and everything for her, to be with her and to show her how much all of this matters.

I miss her so much. I do everything I can to stay strong and keep it together. So that she knows that I want this. I want this more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. For the first time in my life I think about marriage, children and future with someone and it does not scare me. It sounds perfect, it feels perfect to me it is perfect to me. All of this I want to do with her more than anything else in this whole world. I want her to be my world.

After lots of thinking. Lots of long days of thinking(all though there really wasnt much thinking to decide this). I have come to a few realizations. I do want to marry Suzanna while I never had a doubt about that I just know that it truly is what I want to do. I love her so much. There is nothing that I do not love about being with her. She makes me feel completle. I felt so empty inside until I met her. She is everything I have ever wanted in a partner, life long friend, lover and companion.

Now to finalize this and show her this all I have to do is ask her to marry me, to be mine forever, to love me the way I love her, to care for me as I will for her. Which I want to do and I am going to do the when I get home. I want to keep this a surprise I have the exact moment that I want to do it already planned. I have done some searching and found an abundance of shops in Mexico and looked and found the ring I want to get. I cant wait. This is the most exciting purchase I am going to make to date.